Wednesday, 11 December 2013

That Festive Feeling of Failure

So, it's almost upon us. Christmas. I have been preparing neither spiritually nor materially. I've muttered prayers here and there, but with no consistency or fervour. I've purchased exactly one Christmas gift. Cards remain unwritten, and the menu for Christmas remains undecided. I'm feeling overwhelmed, unprepared, and generally a bit blah about the whole thing.

I'm hard on myself, I'll be the first to admit that, but recently these feelings have escalated. How can my family have a nice Christmas if I'm in charge? I see my current lack of enthusiasm as a flaw, and every mistake, both committed and yet to be made as requiring ridicule and punishment. The surety of getting things wrong prompts complete inaction, which in turn leads to lethargy, and yet more feelings of inadequacy.

I had thought, a while ago, about getting my hair cut for Christmas, and maybe trying a home hair colour. Now, I'm not so sure I'll bother. Like I said to my husband the other day, why bother? It's like putting a bow on the trash bag.

This too shall pass. Jesus is the light of the world, and Christmas is a time of hope. A lot of prayer and a little organisation will see me through this, but for the next few days, I think making a batch of mince pies and perhaps putting up some fairy lights are about as festive as I think I'm going to get.

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