Monday, 20 August 2012

Frightened of the Feminine

I badly need to buy some clothes. My husband has made it clear he doesn't like me going out in my paint-stained sweats and baggy top, because I'm 'representing'.

So, today, my usual 'going out' outfit (jeans and decent top) was in the wash. Hubby was at work, and I did toy with the idea of going out looking like a rat hanging out a midden, because hey, he's at work, he'll never know.

But I didn't. I knew he'd be disappointed in me, so I didn't. Unfortunately, the only decent thing I had to put on, was a dress.

I put it on, and felt ridiculous, but I went out in it anyway. I felt ridiculous, because any time I put on something vaguely attractive, I feel like I'm living a lie, that I'm play-acting.

'That's not me' I think to myself 'I look stupid, I'm being ridiculous' are other thoughts that run through my mind.

When it comes to shopping, the thoughts are even more pervasive:

'Nothing will fit.'

'I have no right to be here'

'I don't deserve this'

'I'm in the way.'

I know that confidence comes partly with practice. I know that many people say 'fake it 'til you make it'

That seems scary though, which is why the only thing that gave the confidence to keep the dress on, and not change back into the familiar bagginess and androgynous asexual nature of my usual attire, was to take a long, shapeless cardi, and frump it up. Just a bit.


  1. 'Frump it up a bit'????? Ashleigh..You are a stitch!!

  2. Donna, I'm all about The Frump ;)

  3. As someone on the other end of the spectrum, I wonder if deep down you feel like you don't deserve to look pretty. I have known quite a few women like that, so forgive me if I am reaching. It could just be you want to feel comfortable and a dress is too fussy. What is it about your jeans and tops that you like? What about them don't you like? Do you have any style icons? If so, what do they wear and why do you like that look? You can start to explore who you are through your clothing. Maybe you start small: New jeans and a nice blouse. Or even better, a pair of slacks. Then maybe you take it up a notch- a long comfortable skirt and a sweater. And so on and so forth. Just because you dressed in a certain way your whole life doesnt mean you HAVE to dress that way! Every single minute of your life is new and you can choose to be whomever you want to be. Good luck and feel free to email me if you want to talk further:

    Thanks doll,
    The Glamorous Housewife