Clearing Out and Moving On.

My family of 4 lives in a 1 bedroom flat. It's a lovely flat, and we're lucky enough to have our own, private back garden, but we've out-grown it.

We need to move.

I want to move for what I have to admit are pretty selfish reasons. I want my husband and I to have a room of our own again. I want to be able to go to bed if my husband is watching sports, put a lamp on, light a scented candle, and read. 

I want to lay a table for our meals, have a filled book-case. I want a place to hang beloved pictures and tapestries. I want the twins to be in separate cots, in their own room, which has been decorated with them in mind.

I want a family home.

To get there, we need to sell the flat, but getting it in a fit state to sell seems like a huge task. Finding space to put things while sorting out what to throw away or donate, and what to keep is hard, especially with 2 inquisitive toddlers who can reach a little bit further, a little bit higher, everyday.

I've made a decent start, but with 2 demanding little people underfoot and tugging at my legs, it's slow and frustrating work.

The task seems huge, and the only way I can get through it, is a little bit at a time. I have to keep chipping through the clutter, and the frustration, and the doubt. I need to keep doggedly at it until I reach light, and space.

We need to head for a new space that's ours'. A space where we have room to think, to grow, to breathe. 

The Terrific Twosome Turn One.

The twins had their First Birthday yesterday. They are now a year old.

A year? How did that happen? When did it happen? Was I sleeping? Did I miss something?

I can't believe how much they've changed, how much life has changed. I can't imagine life without them.

Looking at them yesterday, giving big grins with mouths full of cake, I can hardly believe they are the same kids who a year ago we were struggling to give 2 ozs of formula.

I can't believe that the little boy who loves music, and his dinners, and playing with his toys, was just a year ago a poor looking infant, in special care, whimpering and gasping for breath.

I can't believe that the little girl who loves exploring, and grinning at herself in the mirror, who is standing on her own, and taking her first tentative steps without holding on to the furniture, is the same tiny girl who, like her brother, was so slow to feed, so sleepy, so small.

What huge changes in 12 months. Changes in them, changes in us, changes in life.

It's almost impossible to imagine a time when they weren't here, and how boring life was sometimes before them.

Yes, the past year has brought sleepless nights, with teething, and colic. It's brought hair-pulling moments of frustration, and doubts over whether I'm doing a good enough job.

But all that is outweighed by the joy, and fun, and laughter, and pleasure, and pride this last year has brought.

Whatever the future brings, I'm sure this first year is one I'll remember as one of the most special.