Nursery and Using that Time.

The twins started nursery a couple of weeks ago. They've settled in well, and both love it, during the settling-in period, they cried when I came to pick them up, they were loving what they were doing so much. Gareth, our little extrovert loves going 'to see friends'. Last week, his key worker told me that he was a lovely boy - one of the little girls in his group was crying, and he was stroking her hair (He calls this a 'nice and gentle') and saying 'You alright'. He's a kind boy. Molly is less vocal, but she also clearly enjoys nursery. I can see that its going to really benefit both of them. I love all the simple things about them going, like the fact they know where there own peg is in the cloak room for hanging up their coats and bags, and the art work we get home at the end of the week.

Usually, I'm terrible at finding fun things to do as a family. I'm not much of a one for fun, and usually think time should be spent doing practical things, with maybe a trip to the park, where I pray there won't be other people there. Last weekend, though, we went to the open day at the local community farm. The funds raised from this go towards feeding the animals in the winter, and to paying for repairs that were needed due to storm damage last winter. We all had a lovely time, the twins loved seeing all the animals, and running around a gated play area where there are toys and sand, and a slide. They were both very taken by the farm yard cats that wander around there, although Gareth didn't like it when he was eating his hot dog, and one was right under his feet waiting for bits to drop. There were pony rides, Molly didn't have a ride, because when she was sat on the horse, she refused to hold on, and burst into tears, I think it was all just a bit new for her. The girls were really nice about it, and didn't charge us. Gareth loved it, and keeps telling us that he liked riding on Jack the pony. Gareth and Molly loved seeing the animals, and getting a hot dog and an ice cream cone, complete with raspberry syrup. I got lucky at the tombola, where I won some body lotion, a hand bag, and a bottle of Cava. Three wins from five tickets, not bad for £1.

On the days that I'm not at work, I've been using the kids nursery time to do some clearing out. I've gutted the toy cupboard, and got rid of broken bits of toys, and have large bag of things they've outgrown ready to be donated. I've cleared and organised our bedroom, putting paperwork away in a folder, tidying away my sewing and knitting things (I am determined to do some sort of simple sewing project over the autumn and winter), and clearing out clothes, books, and DVDs. I have things in a bag, and I should just get rid of them, but I wonder if I've been a bit hasty. No room for sentiment in a clear out though. The DVDs included a couple of belly-dancing workout DVDs. I don't have the coordination, and I'm far too British for that undulating, so keeping them hardly seems sensible. There's a top that's a little too fitted (i.e. tight) and low cut, a dress that I like, but haven't fit into in about 2 years. There's the fluffy robe that's covered in blue paint from when I painted the front door, I'll get rid of that, and just wear a cardigan over my pj's if it gets cold, or my satin robe if my husband requests it, although I don't like wearing that too much, I'm always worried I'll drop something on it, I'm more of a flanelette than a satin girl. In that vein, I'm also turfing any non-practical nightwear. Sturdy pj's from now on in, if it's not something I would wear during the evacuation of a building, then out it goes.

These last days of summer, and the early days of autumn will be spent preparing the garden for next year, working out the best way of doing big jobs like chopping and uprooting some hydrangeas, and moving patio slabs by myself. Deciding on what changes, big and small, need to be made, and what will be planted where. When that's done, and the rain and wind and cold come, I will retire indoors, and enjoy the cosy activities of autumn. The baking, the curling up with a book, the crafts. I will find ways of staying busy, and making myself useful. I will earn my keep, and, maybe it's time that I looked for a second job.

Messages of Grace

I'll start with a confession. I wasn't going to go to Mass today. It was pouring with rain, I'd rebuilt the kids' 'tent' (a blanket stretched between 2 sofas) about 5 times. I hadn't slept particularly well. The kids' car seats weren't in the car, and I'd let my husband sleep in. Frankly, it all seemed a bit much. But, my husband offered to watch the twins while I went to Mass alone, and then went to run some errands. Since I just had enough time to make it to Mass, I went.

I'm so, so glad I did. Our parish has been without a priest since the sudden death in May of Fr Jim, the much-loved parish Priest. Today, it was the new Bishop of the diocese who said the Mass. The gospel was the feeding of the five thousand, one of my favourites. The homily delighted and revived me. The Bishop didn't do the usual 'everyone was fed, what a miracle!' approach to this gospel, he concentrated on how Jesus might have felt. He reminded us of the context - that Jesus had just learnt of the death of John the Baptist. He reminded us that Jesus was shocked, and grieving, and had originally went off in an attempt to be alone, and pray, and mourn his loved one. Jesus was struggling, but the people needed him. They needed healing, and teaching, and they needed feeding, and despite his own struggles, Jesus gave them what they needed.

As the Bishop pointed out, God knows our struggles. He is with us in our struggles, and he gives us the strength to do what we need to, whether its a little or a lot. He reminded us that God says, 'I know you struggle sometimes, and I know sometimes you feel overwhelmed, and that everything is getting on top of you.'

But most of the time, you're doing ok. Most of the time, you're doing good. 

In the midst of our troubles, and our insecurity, and from the distorted, flawed viewpoint of our humanity, its hard to remember that God is with us in our struggles. We tend to want to see God as a benevolent fairy, who will click his fingers, and magic our troubles away. But that's not what God's grace is. It's knowing that God is with you in the midst of your struggles that he understands, and is patient with us.  That he is working in us - even if we don't feel it. And it's understanding that God knows we're not perfect, and he knows we struggle, but that  he smiles on us, and walks beside us,  and says 'I know its hard sometimes, but mostly, you're doing ok.'